Bento #109: Krabby Quiche

Ah, yes, citizenry, it is that most perfect of pie devices: quiche.  This quiche features a host of veggies: onions, greens, peas, and tomato as well as feta and fake crab meat.  Oh, how We love krab.  It is a Major Weakness--along with other processed seafood items, like fishsticks or those fish balls that show up in weird asian soups.  Yum.

Alongside the lovely quiche, We have carrots with some sort of dipping sauce, a plum, and a tiny yellow pear tomato.  Delicious!

Bento #106: Everybody's Favorite Lunch

That's right.  It's fried rice. 

This appears to have been a fridge-cleaner.  We see bits of carrot, leftover greens, and--bell pepper?  Peas?  Something else green.

Exciting times in the Kingdom, citizens.

Bento #104: Must Eat Greens

Lunchtime!  We should not post Our previous lunches so close to Current Lunch Time (it is about 11:30 in the morning) as it is making Us very hungry.

We went (are still going?) through a bit of a "greens" phase.  So here you see the King's basic cooked greens, some steamed carrots, a square hard-boiled egg, and a bit of daikon pickle.  In the back tier is plain short-grain rice with furikake.  In the coffee mug is tea, and there on the left is a chocolate.  One of Our officemates was given chocolates by a student, and he was kind enough to share the love.

So.  First, let Us talk about square eggs.  The square egg was made via a square egg mold, which was given to Us for Christmas by the Dear Friend of the Kingdom, L.  The square eggs are charming and do indeed take up less lunchbox room than an ovoid egg!  Hooray!  Dear L also gave Us Baconnaise, which is both delicious and dangerous and We think that We will have a hard time living without it now, as Baconnaise and egg sandwiches are almost too good to be believed.

Now, let Us talk about greens.  We love them mucho.  Here is how We make them:

• About 1 T. olive oil
• 1 large sweet onion, diced
• Greens, washed and sliced.  Anything sturdy: kale, collards, chard, etc.  Spinach is too delicate for this.
• soy sauce--a couple tablespoons
• rice vinegar--also a couple tablespoons
• red pepper flakes--under about 1/2 t. doesn't really make this "hot," just flavorful.  If you want perceptible heat, by all means, chuck in tons.
• optional: broth, mushrooms, kombu, sweet pepper, sesame oil, anything else that adds umami

Heat your oil in a pan large enough to hold all your greens.  Chuck in the onions and saute.  If you're using anything else that needs softening, like mushrooms or whatever, throw them in now too.  When all your crunchy things are softened, chuck in everything else.  If your greens aren't freshly washed, you may need to add a bit of water or broth.  Steam for about 10-15 minutes if you like them with a little heft left to them; longer if they're overcooked.

Our hands-down favorite way to eat these greens is this: put either some brown rice or a couple of slices of toast in the bottom of a bowl.  Meanwhile, cook an egg sunny-side up.  You're looking for a very runny egg.  When the egg is done, scoop a bunch of greens w/ their broth over your rice/toast, then put the egg on top.  The yolk should run into the greens broth should run into the base and make everything slightly slimy and v. delicious. 

If you use toast, it's kind of like a weird hot greens commerical--which is awesome, as one of the things We miss most about not eating meat, freakishly enough, is the hot commerical, which is delicious and regional to Our childhood and thus carries a huge nostalgia value.

Update:

Blogger is giving Us fits, and We cannot post a comment on Our own blog. #wtf  So here's Our response to Lisa:

That message board was hilarious! And did you note, it mentions Our very own small hometown? Much love for the birthplace of the king! And we can indeed confirm, despite what that one Very Officious Person on the message board says, that Mike's Cafe in Marshall, MN does indeed offer both hot beef and hot turkey commercials. Our very own Queen and Queen Mother eat there about once a week, and they often get the half-commercial, as a whole is quite a lot of food.

And as We understand the history of the commercial, it was meant as economical but filling lunchtime for working dudes, and therefore is supposed to be a lot of good, cheap food for, say, a construction worker. It's an open-faced sandwich where bread is on bottom, then roasted meat, then mashed potatoes, and gravy over all. Generally comes with a side of veg.

Laziness Roundup #2: Bentos #85-97

Citizens, let's talk lunches.  Here's another slacker roundup--all the lunches since the last roundup, actually.  Again, organized by device for your convenience.

First off, because it is cold outside, the Soup Device:

We believe this is borscht, with sour cream and carrots.  In the back, notice Gary Snyder, a poet who We have a love-hate relationship with.  No nature, indeed--but less in the way you mean it, and more in the way Timothy Morton means it.

This is chili, with what We believe is shame bread and an orange.  Behind Our shame is the Thirsty Bat of tea or something, and behind the orange is the rose bowl of chocolate eyeballs We had on Our desk all Halloween and post-H season.  Hooray bowl of eyeballs!

Here is lentil soup, kingdom bread, and the awesome power of pineapple rings.  Meanwhile, there's a cup of tea from Starbucks with a coffee-cup-protector-warmer-thingy We made on it.  The tea was a disaster.  The obviously-new barista charged Us the  tea-latte price, even after We told her that tea was usually around $2.  She argued that Starbucks only sells tea lattes, not just regular hot tea.  So We had to physically make her turn around and look at the price of tea on the board above her head.  And then she was all, "We don't have black tea."  So what do you have?  "Green, mint, Earl Grey, blah blah blah."  Rather than fight, We took the Earl Grey.  Someone else can see to her education.  We do not mean to be mean--but We were polite at first, and then when she told Us vehemently that We were wrong, We gave up.  The moral: the tea came out too strong and was some sort of super-bitter tea concentrate when We got here, so that We took about a half-cup of tea sludge, cut it with water and honey, and reheated it in Our microwave.  Not shown: the 8 Advil We took over the course of the day while drinking the Tea Disaster.

As an aside, in Our attendance book, you can see all the student absences.  Blue highlights are absent days.  So much missed class!

Next device: Pie!

Here is veggie quiche, with leftover sweet potato hiding behind it.  Just peeking out there on the right is a bottle of water.

And more quiche, with the omnipresent carrots and apples.  Dunno what We'd do w/out carrots and apples.

Next, Crackers and Sandwiches!

Beloved rye crackers, apples and carrots, and hummus.  Woo.

PB& with apples and carrots. Woo.  At least it's kingdom bread.

In case you do not know what the inside of a PB&J looks like.  (We suspect this was so We would remember the sandwich contents.)

Man, We are boring sometimes.  Desk, desk, sandwich, putter.  Gah!  New device, quick, before We are suddenly 75!  Bring on Salads!

Ah.  Salad, yogurt, and apple.  Love yogurt.  We know We bitched and moaned about the 0% stuff--and it is indeed still not as tasty as the other kind--but 2% only comes in pineapple.  We can only eat so much pineapple yogurt.  In fact, We are going to go eat a yogurt right now, while We finish this epic post.

Horrors!  It's back.  And in low-res.  Cottage cheese, frozen peas, tomato, and cucumber.

Some Miscellaneous stuffs:

A baked potato with hard-boiled egg and sour cream, with steamed carrots on the side.  We believe that there is coffee in that Thermos.  Which, don't expect to see it again.  We forgot it for some time, and the incredible funk that was in there meant We just chucked it out.  We felt bad, yes, but some things can't be saved.

This is an amazing stir-fry: cabbage, chickpeas, garlic, popped mustard, turmeric, and cayenne.  Yum!  With brown rice.  And an apple.  And tea.

This was, We believe, the last active class day of the semester, hence Our cobbled-together lunch of instant ramen, apple and peanut butter, carrots, and a donut.  The donut was purloined from the grad lounge, as many people bribe their students for good evals.  Or get good evals b/c people are happier w/ high blood sugar.  Either way, there are a lot of snackies going spare in the department on the last few days.  The ramen?  Was pretty bad.  Sorry, Senor McDougall.  Those noodles were unpleasant. Also, as you can see, I was too busy to wash a proper water bottle, so I'm using a mason jar--which I brought to school w/ breakfast in it, which was about 2 cups of soymilk, 2 cups of coffee, and a couple tablespoons of sugar.  Oh, the health, it practically exuded from my pores.

Later, I also ate Common Room Oreos. 

And finally, your friend and Ours:

What is life without fried rice?  Not worth living, We say.

Hope you enjoyed the roundup, and We'll be back soon w/ more entries.

Fall Roundup: Lunches #65-82

It's been a busy time here in the Kingdom, kids.  Your faithful King has been editing, teaching, grading, running, singing, and just generally trying to keep Her bizniz going.

As the lunch photos stacked up on Our camera, the process of pulling them off became, for some reason, a more and more daunting task.  Each additional photo meant We wanted to do it less.  For some reason, while We love taking the photo and We love posting the photo, the in-between process--the finding the camera cable, the sorting, the tiny bit of editing, etc. became too much.  We despaired.

So finally, in an effort to remedy the problem, We pulled all the photos from the past month and a half.  At once.  Right here.  So, We proudly present you with the Awesome Fall Roundup Extravaganza!

First, the Identical Salad Photos:

This is a delicious salad that We ate frequently while the weather was still hot.  Its basic components are cottage cheese, tomato, cucumber, peas, salt, and pepper.  Delicious and protein-y.

This lunch also had an apple!  So much fiber, so little time.

The gold standard.

Just the peas, please.  We believe that Our fridge was very empty and that We were in a serious hurry that morning.  This is not enough lunch, We know.  Still, better than nothing.

Our friend, M, was having a rough day this day so We walked over to her building and brought her a Diet Coke (which We do not usually drink) and some Combos (which We do not usually eat).  Naughty!  So We finished the Coke with Our lunch.

This lunch, taken at home because transit would surely have shaken up the pretty little pattern, is in a new box the Queen sent Us in the mail!  What a great random gift, Queen!  We love it.  We used it four times in the first week We owned it.  It's a Fit and Fresh sandwich box, with the gel-cool in the lid--but it really comes into its own as a bento box, b/c it's the perfect size.  Hooray!

And now, the Parade of Sandwiches:

Fried egg on Kingdom bread with a banana.  Not very much lunch, but at least it's got protein and whole grains for staying power.

Tofurkey on Shame bread with mayo, mustard, spinach, and tomato.  This was part of Our Vegan-Except-For-Eggs-And-Also-Only-Whole-Grains-Plus-No-Caffeine-But-Tea Cleanse.  It was very effective, and We felt much better about two days into the program.  Sandwich is backed up by apples and carrots.

 The innards!  Gosh, looking at that makes Us hungry.

Just can't get enough stunt meat.  Another Tofurkey on Shame.

We were particularly pleased with this lunch.  The salad is spinach and tomato with a little orange tulip of Newman's Raspberry Vinaigrette.  The sandwich is a fried egg on Kingdom with mayo and mustard.  Then there's an apple.  The cup is green tea--We were at Starbucks, grading.  We were suprised and pleased that the baristas did not get all up ons for Us bringing Our own lunch.

Here is a peanut butter and blackberry preserves on Kingdom, with baby carrots, blueberry yogurt, and a banana.  There is tea in the Santa mug.  Because We are on a serious running training program now, We find that We need food almost constantly or We start to fall down.  So some of the beefier lunches are a result of that.

Now, Rice is Nice!

Ah, rice is nice.  Here's brown rice w/ ebi furikake, tamagoyaki, apple slices, and instant miso soup.  Oh, and a BC Powder, because We had things to do.  And Our head was bad. 

Check out Our not-very-good rolling skillz.  Who cares?  It was delicious.  Check out the Thirsty Bat hovering over the lunch.  Bat want nomz?  Well, too bad!

This lunch was so good it was almost unholy.  Spinach, onion, and tofu stir fry with brown rice and green tea.  Why was this so delicious?  We do not know, but it was one of the most satisfying lunches We had made in a long time.  Bonus: vegan!

Ah, what would the Sneaky Kingdom be without fried rice?  Also, check out Our homemade daikon pickles.  We think We did an okay job.  We will tweak the recipe later.  We also made some righteous pickled garlic, but that is far too pungent for lunch!  It is available only in the Royal Castle, where We will not offend the citizenry with Our Fire Breath of Doom.

Fried Rice and Fried Rice Alone day!

And, the Lunches of Less-Commonly-Used Device:

That's right.  Lentil soup.  Yum!  With a homemade biscuit, apple slices, and coffee candy.

More of the same!  But also with some carrots in there.  We love how the little mushroom guy on the lid of this bowl is so enthusiastic.

This was a weird choice.  We made a squash stuffed with apple slices one day during the Vegan Cleanse.  It was good, but would have been better with butter.  To back it up, there was a hard-boiled egg and some carrots.  This was a little awkward to eat at Our desk, and We got olive oil on Our pants, and then had to teach with Conspicuous Crotch Blots.  The shame!

Okay, there you go, citizens: the King's Fall Lunches.  We hope that you have enjoyed this glut of lunch, you hedonists!  We hope to resume regular posting soon, now that this backlog is no longer hanging over Our head, so please do not think that We have abandoned you!

Bento #64: Eggs and Fail

On the day of this lunch, We had baked banana bread and brought it in for Our colleagues.  Fellow teachers, we thought, should enjoy a tasty breakfast treat.  So We were pleased to have a carbohydrate component of lunch already in place, and brought just two hard-boiled eggs with a mixture of mayo, salt, pepper, and smoked paprika in the little bear, for spreading-on-eggs purposes.  There was also a plum.  We wore a happy yellow sundress and were so pleased to be of use. 

This plan all went to hell when no one wanted our banana bread.  Very few takers.  We were forced to bring a nearly-full plate of banana bread back home.  We foisted some off on Our friend, M, in order to process the unexpected overload.  What's wrong with people, anyway?

Bento #61: Quiche

It's a quiche!  We love quiche.  We believe that there is spinach, onion, and cheese in this particular quiche.  It has a whole wheat/olive oil crust.  Alongside the quiche, there's a plum, two coffee candies, and a packet of tea (which is sitting in front of another cup of tea.  Oh, well, We can never have too much tea here in the Sneaky Kingdom!).

Quiche is magical and delicious. It can contain anything and can be as healthy or as decadent as you like.  It is delicious at room temperature or hot or cold.  All hail the majesty of quiche!

Bento #59: They Taste Good to Her

Okay, so let's dispense with the basics: We have a sandwich of almond butter and blackberry preserves, a few sticks of celery, a hard-boiled egg, some grapes for packing material, and a plum.

Look at it!  Look at it really hard.  Look at the deep, rich, red color.  Look at the beautiful dark, thin skins,  Look at the way that, even in this low-res lunch photo, the juice glistens, a sweet wet promise.  Look at the way the flesh lightens inward where the stone has been removed, an almost solar-eclipse-like effect, making the plum both absence and presence at the same time. 

We bought a huge sack of these plums and ate them all week, letting juice run down Our arms and chin, staining fingers and lips a rich violet red unusual in a plum.  We must tell you, We are a little weak in the knees.  No kidding, W.C.W., these plums were so good that Our desire for them was nearly sexual in its intensity.  Solace of ripe plums, indeed.

Bento #49: Saved by Onigiri

From an empty lunch, that is.

Our fridge was way empty when We made this lunch.  But if there are two things that are always available in the Sneaky Kingdom, it's eggs and rice.   Here are two onigiri made with ebi furikake and hard-boiled egg mashed into very small bits mixed in.  By the way, egg white does not stick well to rice.  Just saying.  Next to the onigiri are grapes, several of which picked up the ebi flavoring.  Shrimpy grapes are not quite as nice as standard ones.

In the tier behind, there's carrot sticks and kiwi slices.  Yum; kiwi!  We do love different fruits for Our bentos.  And finally, in the lid, there's a slice of fruitcake which the Queen Mother sent Us.  Yum; fruitcake!  Though We do wish she'd convert to standard dried fruits instead of the lurid candied kind, which can make the bread too sugary.  Still, very sweet of her to send it so that it could be Our bento dessert!  It was good with tea.

Oh, and the knitted widget behind the lunch?  That is Our work hat.  You see, the air conditioning is kept so high in the building We work at that We often have to bundle up in winter clothes so as not to freeze.  This seems ludicrous to Us, and yet, there it is.  So that is a hat that would be appropriate for fall in Our Original Kingdom up north.  Here, where it is Sunny, We keep the hat in Our office for a/c resistance purposes.  Oh, and the staff often resorts to opening the windows and letting the 97-degree air from outside in, to try to warm the room up a little. We--by which We, the King, mean everyone who works there--is aware that this is stupid, and yet, we don't have access to thermostat controls.  So instead, lots of wasted energy.  If someone else would like to draw a  moral here, by all means, do it.

Bento #46: Rice is nice! But it's just a grain.

We love to eat rice.  Let it be said, this is a grain-loving Kingdom.  But We cannot always eat Our rice fried.  The heart rebels.  The heart says, Please, another application!  So We return to a much-loved format: the rice pudding.

This particular rice pudding is brown rice, in an egg-heavy custard pudding, flavored with blueberries and nutmeg.  It is a delicious, delicious pudding!  In the background, you can see some grapes and pineapple, to offset the heaviness of the pudding.

And here is a full photo of the bento jar.  Cute! The insulation is not all it's cracked up to be, but it is so adorable, We can't bring Ourself to fault it. 

We love--just love--that in this photo, the carrying bag has a tiny beefy arm emerging from it, Trogdor-style. 

And the lunchbox comes in the niiiight!
Lunchbox!
Lunchbox!

Bento #44: Endless Parade of Sandwiches Continues

And it's green!  Here's an egg-salad sandwich, some celery sticks, some green grapes, and a little green jar of peanut dip.

In the background, there's a teeny thermal jar of coffee and a water bottle.  Both came from the same place--our friend B!  Thanks, B, for supplying our beverage needs--hydration is important in the Kingdom!

Yum; innards.  What's the preferred egg-salad mix in the Kingdom, you ask?  Why, mayo, grainy mustard, and smoked paprika, of course.  With a water-based vegetable element to sort of loosen things up.  Here, We have chosen tomatoes.  Lettuce is good, too. Both is best, but unfortunately, the King rarely has lettuce on hand due to its low nutritional content.  Crunchy water, while delicious, doesn't pay the vitamin bills, it seems.

This is the last sandwich for a while, We promise!  (Trust Us; We're sick of 'em too.)

Bento #43: The Lunch Formerly Known as Sandwich

We plead the 5th.

This once was an egg-salad sandwich on Kingdom-made bread.  It was so beautifully huge it had to be cut in half and then rearranged in order to fit in the bottom of the box.  But We were so very hungry that We ate it all up, om nom nom, before We remembered to take a photo.  Oops!

To compensate, We offer you this photo of fruit salad: mango and blueberry. 

The Kingdom is so excited that it's mango season!  We love mangoes.  Unlike some others, We are not allergic to mango peel, so, after cutting off the big cheeks of flesh, We get the joy of stripping the remaining bits off the skin with Our teeth, and gnawing on the pit until Our teeth are jammed with threads of mango fiber and we are a sticky, fragrant mess.

All Hail the Fragrant King of Summer!

Snack: Mr. Chicken

Our cousin bought us, as a b-day present, the always-cute Manga Cookbook.  Hooray!  Thanks, D!

We will post more on the book later as We make things from it.  For now, the book inspired Us to make an afternoon snack cute.  So meet Mr. Chicken!

We know it is kind of gratuitous to post just one egg and not a whole lunch or snackbox.  Forgive Us--it was Our first chicken egg! So to speak.

Snackbox: Egg 'n Crackerbiscuits

In this snackbox, which was consumed long ago and not quite reported here, We have a hard-boiled egg, two herbed crackerbiscuits, a carot cut into sticks, and a hideously overpackaged prune.  Okay, We're done mentioning it.  We're just saying.

On a more optimistic note, crackerbiscuits!  Once upon a long time ago, while making dinner, We rolled Our biscuit dough too thin.  We cut this thin dough into biscuit-type shapes and popped it in the nice hot oven.  When We checked on our biscuits fifteen minutes later, We thought, hm, this doesn't look right!  We gave it a few minutes more.  Eventually, we pulled the l'il guys out, lest they be burnt.

The result?  Delicious!  Crackerbiscuits are thinner and crisper than biscuits, but sturdy little devils and are soft inside.  If you stab one of the thin edges with a fork, they split nicely into the top and bottom halves, and can be made into little sandwiches or made to work more like a traditional cracker.  Otherwise, spread some soft cheese (or a slice of hard-boiled egg) right on top of the whole deal and have at 'er for a sort of rich toast-like effect.  Crackerbiscuits are excellent w/ soups, by the way; crisp like a cracker, yet they soak up liquid like bread.

Here's how We made these:

Basic Crackerbiscuits

• 2 c. flour
• 2 t. baking powder
• 1/2 t. salt
• 1/2 c. vegetable shortening (butter will work but will produce a more biscuity crackerbiscuit; We can only imagine the power of crackerbiscuits made with bacon fat)
• 3/4 c. milk (about--try adding not quite all the milk at first just to make sure)

Preheat the oven to 475.  An absolutely smokin' hot oven is key.  Stir or sift together the dry ingredients.  Rub in the fat.  Stir in the wet.  Knead a few times, just to bring it all together.  Roll to 3/8" or 1/4" thick on a floured board.  Thin is key!  Once they start to get to a half inch thick or more, you're looking at regular biscuit territory now.  Cut into desired shapes--We like squares, both for convenience and because it mentally suggests "cracker," but circles or hearts or whatever will work too.  Bake these for 8-10 minutes, then turn off the oven and leave them inside, door closed at all times, for 5-10 minutes more.  We think this process helps them crisp up somewhat.  This may be Our imagination.

You can put all sorts of good things in your crackerbiscuits.  As suggested before, alternate fats would be good.  We have yet to try olive oil, but We bet it would be good!  These particular crackerbiscuits have about half a teaspoon each of dried parsley, basil, and thyme.  A rich soft cheese rubbed in with the fat might be good.  Pepper is great.  Finely chopped olives and sun-dried tomatoes are really lovely here.  You could put sesame seeds or sea salt or egg wash or whatever you like on top of your crackerbiscuits before baking (butter, while delicious, will make the crust soft, remember!).  Enjoy!

Bento #38: Egg Salad

Aren't you all proud?  Posting a lunch on the same day We ate it!  Many Kudos to Us.

Egg salad on homemade bread, carrots, a little hidden yellow bear w/ a mixture of plain yogurt and salsa to dip the carrots in (surprisingly good.  Try it w/ a jar of salsa and a tub of sour cream sometime if you do not believe Us), and in the back, two of the shameful single-wrap prunes rescued from Our Cousins.  Water in the bottle.

Not a fancy lunch, but hey, beggars can't be choosers--and in this time of sparse bentoing, you should be glad for any lunches at all!  We are.